Session 1: How we lead
What kind of leadership do we want here?
Length: 45 to 60 minutes.
Format: short teach, real-work exercise, written
output.
This is the first of six sessions. It sets the tone for the rest of the program. The goal is not to teach anything new yet — it is to get the group to agree, on paper, on the kind of leadership we will use here, and the kind we will not.
Session at a glance
- Length: 45 to 60 minutes.
- You will need: a board, flipchart, or shared doc that everyone can see; one sticky pad or set of index cards per person; this guide open to Purpose and the Short version.
- Participants leave with: a short written list of the leadership behaviors this team agrees to use, and the ones it will not tolerate.
What we will teach
- Care plus standards.
- Trust plus accountability.
- Leadership as service to the work and the people doing it.
- What we will not allow this program to become.
Timed agenda
| Time | Segment | Move |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 – 0:05 | Open | State today’s question. Frame what this is not about. |
| 0:05 – 0:15 | The teach | Walk through care-plus-standards and trust-plus-accountability. |
| 0:15 – 0:40 | Exercise | Silent write-down, share-around, spot the patterns. |
| 0:40 – 0:55 | Synthesis | Agree on the behaviors we will use and the ones we will not. |
| 0:55 – 1:00 | Capture & close | One person writes the list down. Confirm where it lives. Set the next date. |
Opening words
Use these or something close. The point is to remove ambiguity about what kind of conversation this is.
“This session is about the kind of leadership we want to use here. We are not naming individual people, and we are not litigating past decisions. We are agreeing on the behaviors. By the end of the hour, we will have a short written list everyone in this room can point to.”
The teach (about 10 minutes)
Walk slowly. Pause between ideas. The point is alignment on words, not new content.
- Care plus standards. A healthy team is kind and holds the bar. Care alone becomes soft chaos. Standards alone become fear. We need both.
- Trust plus accountability. Trust means people can tell the truth without fear. Accountability means promises matter. Trust without accountability is permissive. Accountability without trust is intimidation.
- Leadership as service. A leader’s job is to make the work clearer, remove blockers, support the people doing the work, and help the team learn. It is not about being the loudest person in the room.
- What this is not. This program is not a way to force fake culture, dump blame onto staff, or make book quotes into doctrine. See Guardrails.
The phrase to plant during the teach — say it once or twice in your own words:
We are aiming for care and standards. Not one or the other.
The exercise (about 25 minutes)
- Silent write-down (5 min). Each person writes — on a sticky, a card, or in the shared doc — one leadership behavior they trust and one they do not. No discussion yet. No names.
- Share around the room (10 min). Each person reads their two items aloud. The facilitator writes them on the board, grouped roughly. Do not debate yet. Just collect.
- Spot the patterns (10 min). As a group, look at the board. What shows up more than once? What clusters together? What does the cluster tell you about the team’s shared expectations?
Closing words
Use these or something close to land the output.
“Before we close: someone needs to write down the leadership behaviors we said we would use, and the ones we said we would not. [Name], will you capture it by tomorrow? We will keep the list visible. The next session is ‘Start with the end’ — we meet on [date].”
Common derailments and how to redirect
| If you hear or see… | Then say… |
|---|---|
| Silence after the first prompt | “Take 60 more seconds to write before we share. Silence is fine.” |
| Someone names a specific colleague | “Let’s stay on the behavior, not the person. What was the behavior?” |
| The conversation drifts to past grievances | “I hear that. For this hour, we are agreeing on what we will do. Can you re-cast that as a behavior we want or do not want?” |
| One person dominates | “Thanks. Let me hear from the people I have not heard from yet.” |
| The group wants to skip the writing | “We need it written down so we can point to it tomorrow. Five more minutes.” |
Output
A short, agreed-on list of the leadership behaviors this team will use, plus a list of behaviors we will not. Written down. Shared somewhere everyone in the room can find it again.
Facilitator notes
- Keep the conversation grounded in real work, not abstract leadership theory.
- Do not let the discussion become about specific people. Focus on behaviors and patterns.
- This first session sets the tone for the next five. If you run long, cut the synthesis discussion — not the exercise.
The week after
- Send the agreed-on list to everyone in the room within 24 hours.
- Read it aloud at the next team meeting before Session 2 begins.
- Notice one moment where you (as a leader) demonstrated one of the behaviors, and one moment where you did not. Bring both observations to Session 2.